march 23, 2014

i cant remember the last time i was this upset, crying until i could throw up. fuck.

march 23 2014

maybe I’d just be better off dead.

March 6th 2014

God FUCKING dammit. Nothing can ever go right for me nothing. I’m so god damn miserable about all this shit going on in my life and to make me even more miserable, i don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I’m gonna need surgery. And they don’t know what it is. I’m deformed. As if i wasn’t self conscious about my body already. Literally fuck this. I don’t even wanna be here anymore. Its just one thing after another. And I’m done with it absolutely done. I just want to break down and cry and cry and cry because I’m so fucking scared and miserable about this. I hate myself. And i hate my life.

february 28th 2014

i feel so alone. I’m so stressed everything is going wrong, my family is so judgmental, act like i don’t Exist until they put me down and live to make me miserable. My own brother doesn’t even want to kiss or hug me goodbye. He’s the 1 thing that can cheer me up when I’m down, and even he didn’t want me. That was probably the worst feeling in the world considering how much shit I’ve been feeling like lately. Ugh

february 11th 2014

I’m just starting to get over being sick. I’m starting to gain all my weight back. I just lost it and now i have to gain it back? Ugh. I don’t want to be scary skinny but i want to be a good size. And i cant even eat so how am i gaining weight? And to make things worse today is my first day back and i feel everyone staring at me and judging me. It’s the worst feeling in the world. And i feel so sick. I just want this nightmare called high school to be over with.

february 7th 2014

i need to be fucking skinny.

february 5th 2014

i am having the worst anxiety. i hate this I’m feeling like i did last year. why why me. i hate this sickening feeling. fuck

feburary 3rd 2014

I don’t like thinking about it. You with somebody else. You with anybody else. It’s hard to think about the past. Because obviously it was before me. But i just don’t like thinking or talking about it. It makes me feel like i don’t even know. I know I’m not just “another girl”, but i cant help but feel that way when i remember all of the others. It’s a shitty thing but i cant help but think it. I’ll be fine when i wake up in the morning. I just don’t want to think like that anymore.

february 3rd 2014

I’m forcing myself to eat. I feel fat. I feel gross. I cant look in the mirror and even think one good thing today. I’ve been anxious and sad all day. I don’t want to eat but i know i have to. I just want to feel good about myself. I feel like I’m letting people down when i feel like this. Because I was just starting to get better w my confidence. Ugh

february 2nd 2014

cant help feeling that i did something wrong. i hate feeling like this and i hate feeling like I’m being pushed away. fuck