july 31st 2014

i could cry until my tears turn into blood that’s how angry/sad i am right now. i just feel so hurt

july 20th, 2014

im honestly scared of my mom. it scares me that she might just show up at my house and try to hurt me. because she’s so mad at me. over something so stupid, and she completely acted like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum and making it ALWAYS like SHES the victim and im this evil thing that just constantly hurts her. and i hate being blamed for her actions. she is a 45 year old woman, she is responsible for her own actions thank you very much. and another thing: ever since i was younger, ive always been the adult in the situation. now it continues. and my step dad has the nerve to tell me that this is all my fault. yup, just like everything else that happens with my mom. it’s all “my fault”. well you know what? it’s fucking not. maybe she should grow the fuck up and take some god damn responsibility and handle her problems and emotions like any fucking human adult would. fuck this and fuck my life honestly

july 6th, 2014

i would appreciate my mom not forcing me to stay over and have a “meal with her every week” like sorry i don’t have the fucking gas and i have a job and maybe if you were a real fucking parent i wouldn’t be this hesitant to come visit all the time

june 30th, 2014

and it doesn’t exactly make it easier seeing all these fucking skinny perfect body girls on instagram and that my boyfriend likes their pictures, like how even can i look like that

june 30th, 2014

i was doing so good today, and then i let myself eat 3 pieces of pizza and i feel like a fat piece of shit all over again

may 23rd 2014

really wish i had a real mom not some fuck dumb bitch who blames me for everything. Im sick of it. I cant stand her. She’s the most mulipuative (cant spell it) psycho pathic bitch I’ve ever known. And i cant believe my dad needs eye surgery. I’m actually really scared for him. I just want him to be okay. It’s all just so fucked up. i really do wish he could be there for me when i get my scholarship. but I’m thankful to have justin who’s nice enough to come with me to my scholarship dinner. don’t know what I’d do without him tbh. he honestly is the best boyfriend i could ever ask for and treats me absolutely perfectly. I’m so thankful to have him in my life. And i always will be💕

april 21st 2014

god dammit FUCK having anxiety and mental breakdowns. I’ve been up since 3:30 i cannot sleep and I’ve been crying. I cant do this i cant

march 23, 2014

i cant remember the last time i was this upset, crying until i could throw up. fuck.

march 23 2014

maybe I’d just be better off dead.

March 6th 2014

God FUCKING dammit. Nothing can ever go right for me nothing. I’m so god damn miserable about all this shit going on in my life and to make me even more miserable, i don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I’m gonna need surgery. And they don’t know what it is. I’m deformed. As if i wasn’t self conscious about my body already. Literally fuck this. I don’t even wanna be here anymore. Its just one thing after another. And I’m done with it absolutely done. I just want to break down and cry and cry and cry because I’m so fucking scared and miserable about this. I hate myself. And i hate my life.