august 20th 2014

sad again, just feeling worthless :( i hate getting into these moods :(

august 17th 2014

i haven’t been this bad in so long, sad doesn’t even remotely describe what i’m feeling, but it’s so awful that i don’t even know what to do :-(

august 17th 2014

I’m so nervous about this surgery I’m literally in tears i hate myself i hate my life holy fucking s h i t

august 17th 2014

i haven’t been thinking like this in a really long time..

i want to.. i cant even say it.

i feel like everyone is leaving me, or not being there for me, or just don’t care. literally everyone. including jackie, justin, my family & friends. absolutely everyone. and it’s the fucking shittiest feeling in the whole world. i feel absolutely alone

august 12th 2014

i just said goodbye to one of my best friends, megan, before she goes off to school. i haven’t stopped crying for the past hour and a half and it isn’t getting any better. i know I’ll make new friends and i love making new friends, but making new best friends is so hard for me, especially because of my past. i don’t think i can do this, having my 3 best friends leave me. it just hurts so fucking much

august 6th 2014

okay so i started this new birth control and it’s making me constantly starving and having uncontrollable stomach aches, i figured it would give me a little bit of a bigger appetite but jesus this is insane. and it’s not that i don’t want to eat 3 meals a day and a few snacks like i always do, but to constantly feel hunger and constantly have to eat is taking a toll on me. i hate to constantly eat, because it reminds me of how i used to be when eating was a way of coping. i don’t like feeling like im two hundred pounds, and with this constant hunger i feel like if i always satisfy it, im going to be. it’s just really hard to be confident, especially when im on vacation with my boyfriend and i have to wear a bathing suit, when im constantly hungry and my body is constantly wanting to eat unconditionally. i hope this feeling goes away soon, because i just feel like im sinking and nobody really gets it :(

july 31st 2014

i could cry until my tears turn into blood that’s how angry/sad i am right now. i just feel so hurt

july 20th, 2014

im honestly scared of my mom. it scares me that she might just show up at my house and try to hurt me. because she’s so mad at me. over something so stupid, and she completely acted like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum and making it ALWAYS like SHES the victim and im this evil thing that just constantly hurts her. and i hate being blamed for her actions. she is a 45 year old woman, she is responsible for her own actions thank you very much. and another thing: ever since i was younger, ive always been the adult in the situation. now it continues. and my step dad has the nerve to tell me that this is all my fault. yup, just like everything else that happens with my mom. it’s all “my fault”. well you know what? it’s fucking not. maybe she should grow the fuck up and take some god damn responsibility and handle her problems and emotions like any fucking human adult would. fuck this and fuck my life honestly

july 6th, 2014

i would appreciate my mom not forcing me to stay over and have a “meal with her every week” like sorry i don’t have the fucking gas and i have a job and maybe if you were a real fucking parent i wouldn’t be this hesitant to come visit all the time

june 30th, 2014

and it doesn’t exactly make it easier seeing all these fucking skinny perfect body girls on instagram and that my boyfriend likes their pictures, like how even can i look like that